What you need to get:
One package of pork chops (about a pound)
Salt and Pepper
Your choice of spices (make a decision for once)
One can Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup
So we all need meat, right?
No, I'm not talking to any wanna be vegetarians. No, I don't think "true" vegetarians really fucking exist. You people are living in denial. Human beings have pointy teeth for a reason. Accept this fact and step away from the pot of lentils and the Kumbaya jam session. If you can't stop hugging your fellow animal-lovers and grow a pair then this site is not for you. Switch over to the PETA, KFC protest blog immediately.
Anyways, besides chicken, pork is probably one of the healthiest choices for meat out there. It's lean, it tastes good, its the other white meat. And its cheap (only a few bucks for about a pound).
My sous-angry chef, Tulip, is telling me that bone-in pork chops have more flavor then boneless pork chops; but I think this is bullshit. Yes, a bone may add more flavor to a piece of meat. But you have to realize that you're paying for something that you're not going to eat. Something that will stink up your garbage for the next few days. Go boneless, I'll show you how to take care of the flavor.
There's also a whole bunch of whiners out there raising a fuss about low-sodium versus regular soup. The urgent care doctors have advised me, due to my abnormally high blood pressure, to avoid sodium. So I keep the salt shaker away. My mom used to have salt and pepper shakers shaped like a cat and a dog. The thought of shaking anything out of a cat's ass on to my food still makes it easy to avoid extra sodium. However, in this case, I would just choose the soup that you like best. Whether its low sodium, or tastes good, won't matter in the end.
Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't pay for your spices. For this dish you'll need your choice of cumin, paprika, rosemary, or chili powder. They all come in little jars, they all fit in the palm of your hand, they all slip easily into your pocket at the grocery store. The grocery store "security" is NOT watching the spice aisle; they've got their cameras trained on the liquor and cigarettes. You will not be caught unless you are a complete retard. And really, do you feel that you should pay for something that you're only gonna use a few times in the next couple of months?
My angry-sous chef, Tulip, is making some noise about how that's wrong and whatever. Something about building a spice rack. Fine, I have an extra shoebox at my apartment, maybe I'll start building a fucking spice rack.
On to the cooking:
My dad taught me this recipe, or at least let me watch while he made it, and told me that its cheap, easy and even social workers think its classy.
Start out by hitting the chops on both sides with the salt and pepper and rubbing it in. Use as much as you like, I can't hold your hand on this one.
Next, set the chops in a blazing hot pan. MAKE SURE ITS HOT. You can check with a few drops of water or some oil, or your knuckle, but you have to be sure that the pan's surface is smokin'. This is very important. After about two minutes (maybe three, check to see if the downside is turning white), flip the chops.
In the meantime, Tulip has mixed the condensed soup with another can of water and is heating it up in a small pan over the radiator. If I need to explain to you how to do this, you SHOULD NOT be anywhere near household appliances.
When both sides of the chops are a little brown, I add whatever spice I'm using to both sides, and pour Tulip's soup over them and lower the heat. Then I partially cover the pan, PARTIALLY COVER, and watch TV for ten minutes or so. I flip the chops once again after that and watch TV for another ten minutes or the closest commercial break.
You can finish these with a little extra spice, or maybe pour a little of the soup over them, but they're pretty good on their own. If you got the chops with a bone, you can hold them in your hand while you eat them. If you're more of a refined asshole, like me, you use a knife and fork and get your sorry self out of the stone age.
Tulip wants to watch "Dexter". Perfect Pissed-Off Pork Chop food...
One package of pork chops (about a pound)
Salt and Pepper
Your choice of spices (make a decision for once)
One can Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup
So we all need meat, right?
No, I'm not talking to any wanna be vegetarians. No, I don't think "true" vegetarians really fucking exist. You people are living in denial. Human beings have pointy teeth for a reason. Accept this fact and step away from the pot of lentils and the Kumbaya jam session. If you can't stop hugging your fellow animal-lovers and grow a pair then this site is not for you. Switch over to the PETA, KFC protest blog immediately.
Anyways, besides chicken, pork is probably one of the healthiest choices for meat out there. It's lean, it tastes good, its the other white meat. And its cheap (only a few bucks for about a pound).
My sous-angry chef, Tulip, is telling me that bone-in pork chops have more flavor then boneless pork chops; but I think this is bullshit. Yes, a bone may add more flavor to a piece of meat. But you have to realize that you're paying for something that you're not going to eat. Something that will stink up your garbage for the next few days. Go boneless, I'll show you how to take care of the flavor.
There's also a whole bunch of whiners out there raising a fuss about low-sodium versus regular soup. The urgent care doctors have advised me, due to my abnormally high blood pressure, to avoid sodium. So I keep the salt shaker away. My mom used to have salt and pepper shakers shaped like a cat and a dog. The thought of shaking anything out of a cat's ass on to my food still makes it easy to avoid extra sodium. However, in this case, I would just choose the soup that you like best. Whether its low sodium, or tastes good, won't matter in the end.
Finally, I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't pay for your spices. For this dish you'll need your choice of cumin, paprika, rosemary, or chili powder. They all come in little jars, they all fit in the palm of your hand, they all slip easily into your pocket at the grocery store. The grocery store "security" is NOT watching the spice aisle; they've got their cameras trained on the liquor and cigarettes. You will not be caught unless you are a complete retard. And really, do you feel that you should pay for something that you're only gonna use a few times in the next couple of months?
My angry-sous chef, Tulip, is making some noise about how that's wrong and whatever. Something about building a spice rack. Fine, I have an extra shoebox at my apartment, maybe I'll start building a fucking spice rack.
On to the cooking:
My dad taught me this recipe, or at least let me watch while he made it, and told me that its cheap, easy and even social workers think its classy.
Start out by hitting the chops on both sides with the salt and pepper and rubbing it in. Use as much as you like, I can't hold your hand on this one.
Next, set the chops in a blazing hot pan. MAKE SURE ITS HOT. You can check with a few drops of water or some oil, or your knuckle, but you have to be sure that the pan's surface is smokin'. This is very important. After about two minutes (maybe three, check to see if the downside is turning white), flip the chops.
In the meantime, Tulip has mixed the condensed soup with another can of water and is heating it up in a small pan over the radiator. If I need to explain to you how to do this, you SHOULD NOT be anywhere near household appliances.
When both sides of the chops are a little brown, I add whatever spice I'm using to both sides, and pour Tulip's soup over them and lower the heat. Then I partially cover the pan, PARTIALLY COVER, and watch TV for ten minutes or so. I flip the chops once again after that and watch TV for another ten minutes or the closest commercial break.
You can finish these with a little extra spice, or maybe pour a little of the soup over them, but they're pretty good on their own. If you got the chops with a bone, you can hold them in your hand while you eat them. If you're more of a refined asshole, like me, you use a knife and fork and get your sorry self out of the stone age.
Tulip wants to watch "Dexter". Perfect Pissed-Off Pork Chop food...
Original Articles. Constant-Content.
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