Tulip Tuesday: Chew On This Cookie Dough

Stuff you need to get:

3/4 C Butter (steal and save little pats from area restaurants)

1/2 C White sugar (same method as the butter)

3/4 C Brown sugar

1 T Vanilla

Eggs (One whole egg and one yolk)

2 C Flour

1/2 tsp. Salt

1/2 tsp. Bakin' Sodey

Chocolate chips (A whole bag. Use Nestle, not that other crap.)

My sous- Angry Chef, Tulip, has demanded to write another recipe. We have been watching the World Cup (she's cheering for Slovenia for some unknown reason, I think they look like a bunch of Charlie Browns on the field). And somehow, in some way, this has possessed her to make cookies. I can only hope this is some sort of diversion to keep us out of fights at the local pub, but still, I can't figure out what the fascination with baking is...

Hey everyone, Tulip here.

C'MON! C'MON YOU FUCK! KICK THE GODDAMN BALL!

I'm a little wrapped up in watching the World Cup at the moment. In the time between shots on goal, you can work on chocolate chip cookies. Or in my case, the cookie dough.

I suppose I should say the usual shit about being careful: raw eggs, salmonella, blah blah blah; but you already know it. And I'm betting you jerks all eat raw cookie dough anyway.

This recipe's a little more complicated then the usual Angry Chef recipe folks, but I promise you it's worth it.

Melt the butter in the microwave, and then stick it back in the fridge for a sec (move the beer over, if you absolutely must) while you mix the dry stuff. Mix the brown and white sugar in a large bowl. Mix the flour, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl.

Take the butter out of the fridge and mix it into the sugar bowl. Really make sure it's all mixed. Then add the vanilla, egg and egg yolk. Add the flour mixture into the sugar/butter mixture and mix it up well. REALLY. MIX IT. WELL. Then pour in the bag of chocolate chips (yes, the whole goddamn bag) and sweetly, gently, mix it in.

I guess the Angry Chef doesn't bake because its one of the few things he doesn't know much about. Much like the other cultures I see represented on the TV, I think baking is sort of hot, in a sweaty, wreck your shirt way, composed of all sorts of stupid ingredients, and takes much too long to come to a foregone conclusion. I mean, really, how many times does Argentina have to kick the shit out of the U.S. before we realize that this may not be our national past time? Baking gives the Angry Chef that same sort of "well, duh.." feeling.

SIT DOWN COACH! SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT UP! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Sorry, England makes me tense.

Put the cookie dough in the freezer (move aside the pizza rolls and Hot Pockets first) and preheat the oven to 325. When its preheated, take the cookie dough out of the freezer, take a big soup spoon, and spoon it onto a greased baking sheet. Don't roll it into balls or handle it too much. DO NOT FUCK THIS UP.

Pop it into the oven for 13- 15 minutes, or until the edges are a light golden brown. The center of these things should be hot and chewy and amazing.

Or maybe you're like me. You don't feel like turning on the oven when its already 80 and as sticky as Lindsay Lohan at 2 a.m. on Saturday morning... maybe you'll just pop the raw dough into the fridge and eat a few spoonfuls here and there. You can always cover it and eat it or bake it later, or-

GET UP! GET UP YOU FUCKING SONOFABITCH! WAIT.... YEAH!! GOOOOAL!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!